To say that I have mixed feelings about being a stay-at-home-mom might just be the understatement of the century.
When I went out on maternity leave after Augie’s birth, I started toying with the idea of quitting my job to stay home with the kids. And then when I was laid off from my job the decision was made for me. I’m not going to get into all the hows and whys of my lay-off, but I will say that there were several logical reasons why I was chosen to be the person in my department who was let go. But try as I might to not take it personally, it’s pretty hard to be laid off from a job and not take it personally. Unless entire divisions get the axe, there is always someone choosing who will or won’t get to keep their jobs and if you’re one of the ones who’s chosen to be let go you can’t help but think now and then, “I’m less valuable.” So, I’m just going to put it out there and say that this mindset is what set the tone for the start of my career as a stay at home mom.
I never thought that being a stay at home parent would be easy. I’ve had two maternity leaves and I watched the challenges that Zach faced every day in his three and a half years staying home with Wyatt, so I had a pretty good idea what to expect. But even so I had all these idyllic visions in my head about how it was going to be. I would take serene trips to the library with the kids and we’d all cuddle up on the couch afterward reading books together. Augie and I would enroll in Mommy and Me classes and when we picked Wyatt up from school we would all play together in the back yard until it was time to go inside and eat a nutritious dinner with Zach. And the house! The house would be so clean and neat!
You see — I was going to be different from all the stay at home parents who struggle with the job. I am very organized and efficient and I’ve kicked ass at every single job I’ve ever had. I can get all the hard stuff done while the baby naps.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
Maybe I’m not so different from all those other parents.
Let’s start with the house-cleaning. The fact is, I’m not a very good housekeeper and I really don’t enjoy it at all. I enjoy having a clean house, of course, but somehow my house is messier now than it was when I was working full time. Our house is always a total disaster. There are toys everywhere. There are piles of books and magazines and mail on every flat surface. There is never a time — ever — when some room in our house does not desperately need to be picked up. I’m going to be very brave here and show you a picture of what our living room looked like today, March 3, at 2:07 p.m.:
I will never summon the courage to take a similar picture of our office. It is way, way more embarrassing than this photo.
And the laundry. Oh, dear God — the laundry! It is just out of control. I fantasize about donating all our clothes to the Goodwill so I don’t have to do another stinking load of wash.
I do OK on dinner, I guess. Mostly. And I’m super good at lunches (if I may toot my own horn).
But most days when I walk into the house, I want to immediately walk out again to find someplace — any place — else to be so that I don’t have to engage in the endless cycle of loading the dishwasher, picking up toys, starting the laundry, and on and on ad nauseum.
I also didn’t anticipate how different the boys’ schedules would be. Between Wyatt’s school drop-off and pick-up, Augie’s naps and the necessity of feeding everyone, there really isn’t much time for fun family activities in a day.
And then there’s the boredom. I love spending time with Augie, but at 18 months, he’s not much of a conversationalist. And the five year old is an excellent communicator, but all he wants to talk about is Batman. It would be nice if he could read the latest book of Sedaris essays so we could discuss it over chai, but it’s just not happening. It’s been really hard to move from a challenging job that required my full brain capacity, sophisticated problem-solving skills, and constant interaction with lots of different people to a job that requires that I wash dishes, change diapers and point to objects and say what color they are in a clear and deliberate voice. Let’s face it – the work of a stay at home mom, isn’t exactly scintillating. It’s very important and it’s challenging in its own way, but a whole heck of a lot of it is boring, repetitive drudgery.
There are incredible sweet spots of course. I missed much of Wyatt’s first year because I was working full time, so I have treasured being there for all of August’s milestones. When I’m feeling down, I can almost always coax a giggle or two out of my kids to cheer me up. And I love being there to pick Wyatt up from school every day. I love how his face lights up when he spots me among the parents milling around outside the Kindergarten door.
Then there are other benefits that I never would have anticipated. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was a little girl and now, for the first time since I graduated from college I have a little bit of time to actually do it. And there’s this crazy bento thing in my life that I never would have seen coming in a million years. And I actually manage to do some crafting now and then which is also pretty satisfying.
So yeah – it’s a mixed bag. Some days I love it. Some days I don’t. But right now, it’s who I am and what I do.
I thought I’d give monthly updates on the goals I’ve set for myself for 2010. I’m happy to report that I’ve completed several items on my list, started a few more and that I’ve laid the groundwork for some others.
Completed:
#14 Finish my project 365 blog posts. Ta da! I wrapped up the year with my final post earlier this month.
#15 Finish the fingerless mitts I started before Christmas. I finished these blue arm warmers this month too.
#67 Start Weight Watchers again. I’m all signed up and I’ve been going to meetings but I’ll admit I’ve been lacking the motivation to really make the program work for me. Baby steps.
In Progress:
#3 Find five reliable, healthy, delicious soup recipes. I’ve tried several soup recipes this month, but I’ve only found one so far that I plan to make again. A White Chicken Chili recipe in a Prevention magazine Slow Cooker cookbook.
#11 Assemble Project 365 scrapbook. I’ve started working on my 2009 Project 365 scrapbook. I’ll post more on this later when I’m a little farther along.
#12 Do another photo-a-day project. Another one I’ve started — I’ve been posting my photos as in weekly posts again.
#19 Make a softie for my niece-to-be. My sister-in-law is due with her first baby in just two weeks! I’ve got a welcome home project under way and I’m hoping Erin can keep that baby inside long enough for me to finish it. (Sorry, Erin — I know you’re ready to burst, but I have just a leeetle more sewing to do….)
#29 Add five new foods to Wyatt’s eating repertoire. Big progress here! Wyatt has been very good about trying new foods in the past few months and he’s started enjoying a few new things if they’re prepared just right. So far he’s partially changed his mind about snap peas, ranch dressing and chicken! I’m not saying these are officially foods he’ll eat yet, but it’s a start.
#55 Find my copy of Wreck This Journal and wreck it. I found the book buried in a pile on my desk and I’ve done a few pages in it.
Upcoming:
#21 Make at least 30 scrapbook layouts. I plan to make significant progress on this one in February! I signed up for Lain Ehmann’s Layout a Day Challenge (also referred to as “LOAD”) and while I’m not sure if I can actually make 28 layouts next month, I’m expecting to get quite a few done.
Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a fantastic December and enjoyed their holidays tremendously!
As is often the case, the new year has spurred me to do a little reflection on my life and look at some places I’d like to make some changes. Most people refer to these ideas as “resolutions”, but I much prefer to think of them as goals. In the past, I’ve had some grand ideas about how I would make change happen in my life — lose weight! spend more time with friends! de-clutter the house! do more creative stuff! — but my follow through on those nice ideas has been less than stellar. Last year I set some much more specific goals and I’m happy to report that I actually achieved (and even surpassed) many of them.
This year I want to get even more granular in my goals. One of the big things I feel like my life was lacking last year was self-fulfillment. My lay-off and the subsequent transition from career-lady to stay-at-home-mom left me floundering a bit. I could write a whole big post about this topic, but for now I’ll just say that I found myself dedicating the majority of my time to satisfying other people’s wants and needs and significantly less time doing things I enjoyed and that made me happy. So this year, I’ve compiled a list of small, achievable goals for myself. Most of them are fun and all of them will make me happy in some way. I’ve grouped them loosely into five categories: cooking, crafts, kids, organization, and personal projects.
There are a gazillion things on the list already and I suspect that I’ll add more from time to time. It’s possible that I won’t complete them all this year (though I hope I will) but even if I only get to half of them I bet I’ll feel happier.
A few weeks ago, Wyatt and I were invited to a wreath-making extravaganza by our friends Whitney and Heather at Rookie Moms. Heather and Whitney threw this crafty party along with the folks at Underwriter’s Laboratory to spread some holiday cheer while passing along safety tips about holiday decorating in general and light safety in particular.
While I knew that Wyatt would like running around with the other kids and eating pizza, I wasn’t sure if he would be all that into the actual wreath making. But he surprised me and worked his little fingers to the bone punching circles out of patterned paper and directing me to add a string of lights, ribbon, a funky gold pine cone and letters to spell out his name to his wreath. I placed everything exactly as he directed me to and this is the final product:
Not too shabby! We will be hanging this in our front window when I get my act together and put up the Christmas decorations some time in the next few days.
The high point for me was when the photographer, Erin Nelson, pulled Wyatt and me aside to take a few pictures of us together. As the family photographer, I’m almost always behind the camera and very rarely in front of it. I’ll occasionally manage to take a self portrait that I like, but it’s really rare that any photos are taken of me with the kids. So when I saw this photo in Erin’s gallery, I about died:
What mom doesn’t want a photo like that with her boy?
And this is totally unrelated to wreath-making, holiday lights or brilliant photographers, but you have to check out this turkey frying video from the UL folks. Jeebus! I can assure you we will never be frying a turkey at our house!
Disclosure: I received wreath-making supplies, safety advice, 2 slices of pizza, a slice of sweet potato pie, a print of the photo above, and the pleasure of spending time with crafty people and a slew of cute kids at the Safe and Bright holiday party. And then I wrote this blog post. Hopefully the FCC won’t throw me in the big house now that I’ve told you all that.
4. What was the best Christmas gift you received as a child?
This one is a toss-up between my Poloroid camera, my stuffed unicorn and my Merlin. Those were such great presents.
5. What items are on your kid’s wish list this year?
Wyatt wants Lego PowerMiners, a Matchbox airport set, Playmobil and every other toy he’s ever seen at Target. Augie doesn’t want anything except uninterrupted access to the phone and a crack at my iPhone.
6. What is your favorite holiday food?
Frosted sugar cookies. Love them!
7. What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays?
I want to make this paper wreath. I’ve also been considering making some kind of paper garland with my Cricut. And I’m going to put together an advent calendar for Wyatt.
8. What is your favorite holiday movie?
A Christmas Story
9. Favorite holiday song?
The Man with the Bag
10. Favorite holiday pastime?
I love spending time with my family and doing all the same stuff every year. I also enjoy starting new traditions with my kids: building a gingerbread house, making our way through the advent calendar, decorating the tree, etc.
A few weeks ago, I read a post by Angie Lucas listing out some of the life lessons she’s learned. I liked her list and it started me thinking about what would be on my own list. What do I want to remember? What have I learned that I want to pass on to my boys? Here’s what I came up with:
Put your mug down on the counter before you pour your coffee.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff you have to do, make a list of all of it and knock out the three easiest, fastest items.
Everything tastes better with cream cheese.
Pick up the phone when your parents call.
It’s better to submit a terrible assignment to your teacher than no paper at all. Even if you fail, you’ll at least get some points, but if you don’t try you just get a big zero.
Don’t speak ill of your former employers in a job interview.
Take every chance you get to hold a baby.
Read something for pleasure every single day.
No matter how bad things seem, you’ve got it pretty good.
Pay the bridge toll for the car behind you when you start out on a road trip. It brings good luck!
Try not to hold a grudge. It hurts you more than the other person.
Don’t try to drink anything when you’re lying down. Sit up first.
Say “thank you”.
Tell the people you love that you love them as often as you can.
Always return the waves of kids in passing cars and school buses.
The gift someone makes for you is always better than the gift they buy.
If you don’t know a word, look it up.
Take responsibility for your own actions and admit when you’re wrong.
Comments
self-absorbed
and wreck it. I found the book buried in a pile on my desk and I’ve done a few pages in it.
